THE OBSERVATORY - Entry # 0010: STARBUCKS

By TWEEKNEE
July 11, 2009

One day as I was looking through our VERY high-powered telescope at your planet, I noticed quite a number of Earthlings walking in & out of this peculiar place of business. First, appearing very weary & tired like they just woke up late for work with no time to get dressed. Then minutes later, these same life-forms come out jittery and wide-eyed.

What was this place and why were people flocking there by the dozens? I had to check out what this phenomenon was for myself, and luckily, a new location of this franchise just opened up on our planet. (Ok, It's official... this Java themed amusement park knows no boundaries.)

I walked in and noticed this aromatic fusion of sugar covered feet and Arabica beans, mixed in with a twist of day-old bread (I assumed) and topped off with the distinct scent of plastic from a stack of ignored CD Albums. Interesting, but I still didn't see what the big deal was.

Criminy! A total of twenty other 'soon-to-be-tweaking' multi-limbed life forms were in line ahead of yours truly. This was going to take a while. But needless to say, the feeling of anticipation was starting to build.

Since I honestly had no idea what to order, I asked this walking pimply hyperbole called a Barista what tasted good in this mood altering establishment infested with java craving zombies. It quickly tells me, "Everything!"

Ok...

Obviously not the answer I was looking for but, I throw down my credits nonetheless and ask it, "What can I get for this? I don't really care what, just give me something to slam back, pronto!"

I ended up getting a beverage that was sized 'Tall'(?) Why they can't simply list the sizes as Small, Medium & Large is a little mind-numbing, but whatever. The drink I ordered was a Mocha-Crappaccino with Spotted Tadpoles and Sprinkles. I don't know if tadpoles are down there on your menu, but they are over here. (Note: once you get past the squirming sensation in your mouth, you should be fine. Otherwise you'll simply experience a mild psychotic episode. Nothing big.)

Anyway, I take a sip out of this tiny cup, and before I know it, my tongue is dead. Why would you do this to yourself? This is horrible! My tongue is burning!

But I have to go on...

So I let my drink cool a little, and drink up.

OH MY STARS AND GARTERS! I never knew joy like this! What a marvelous drink! Pure heaven! I understand now. I understand why you wake up early to spend 10-15 minutes in line. I understand why your teeth are brown and your breathe smells like day-old meat. It's because of this wonderful & mesmerizing drink called 'Coffee.'

Wow, I'm awake now! And I feel like another one! Or two. Um...ok, make it six.

Damn you, Starbucks. Damn you to Hell.

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THE OBSERVATORY - Entry # 0009: LISTEN TO YOUR INNER CHILD

By MRAM
July 4, 2009

Remember when you were a kid? You'd go through life with a sense of immortality, that nothing could stand in your way. If you wanted something, you'd try everything that could think of to achieve success. For example, If you wanted a new bike, you would save every little bit of money you could because you knew that no one else would get it for you. You were aware of the sacrifices that needed to be made in order for you to get that bike. And when that moment came, you felt a sense of pride because you earned it on your own.

When you wanted to be the best in your class, you took it upon yourself to work so hard to prove that you were indeed the best. Your thoughts were that nobody could beat you nor could they dare try to surpass you at anything. You had pride.

But unfortunately, as you got older you seemed to lose that spirit. Life began to beat you down...and you allowed it to do so. Where did that spirit go? What happened to that fight?

Well, you know what? It didn't go anywhere.

If you can allow yourself to embrace that kid in you and forget what society wants you to be, the results can be special. Now, I'm not saying that you should go out and get plastered on Similac and start riding your old BIG WHEEL up and down the boulevard. No, you don't want to go quite that far. Plus, there may be men in white suits with nets waiting to chase your out of control butt!

What I'm trying to say is that if you tap into that childlike confidence you had and STILL have, you can do anything. You will start to see that any project can be completed no matter how difficult it may appear to be. With that said, not all situations may result in success, but you can rest easy that at least you didn't back down. You attempted to go forward and most importantly...YOU TRIED!

Life is TOO short to sweat the little things. We only have a moment on this planet in the whole big scheme of things. Since you're here, don't you want to make your mark? You might as well.

As for that person that cut you off in traffic? I wouldn't worry about him or her...

They just probably needed a nap.

With that all said, I'll end this with a few words from your planet's BEST comedic observer:

GEORGE CARLIN ON HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1.) Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."

2.) Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3.) Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4.) Enjoy the simple things.

5.) Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6.) The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7.) Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8.) Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9.) Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10.) Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: **Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.**

Life is short, try to enjoy it.

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