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THE URTHLINGS - Section 45


THE URTHLINGS - Section 44


THE URTHLINGS - Section 43


THE URTHLINGS - Section 42


THE URTHLINGS - Section 41




July 25, 2009

We’ve all been there.

We’re happy, everything is great. We have wonderful friends, family and enjoying all that life has to offer.

And then one day...BAM!

Something suddenly hits you hard. Whether it be a breakup, the death of a loved one, a job termination, or even a mix of a number of little things. The joy, euphoria, and everyday wellness you felt before is destroyed in a matter of seconds. Your normal train of thought and simple day to day routines have unfortunately been derailed.

Some people are able to bounce back more quickly than others. They know what they have to do to get on with life. They don’t question the world or necessarily agree with its actions; they just gather up their feelings and move forward.

Other people need more time to heal and often find it difficult to do so. To them, life is an unfair craphole with no consideration for their or anyone else’s feelings. That might be a bit much, but everyone sees things differently. We can’t all carry around rose colored glasses in hard times.

For those of you in the latter, here are a few things you can do to help pick you up a bit. Though challenging as it is to overcome obstacles, it is what has to be done to get through life.

1. Remember the good – When you’re constantly down on yourself, you set yourself up for failure and disappointment. Picking out the best moments from the past instead of the over-analyzing the present situation will help you see things more positively.

2. The facts – When dark skies are overhead, your views become fogged. Instead of thinking about “what” just happened, think about “why.” If you understand why, you might be able to move forward quicker.

3. Find a friend – It’s hard to bounce back if you’re alone. After the first few days of sulking, it’s time to give yourself a much needed break. Find a friend or family member who can help take your mind off things. You can go watch a movie, grab some ice cream, or even stay home and play some video games. You’re still mourning over your personal problem, but at least you’ll have one occasion to smile over.

4. Don’t put your life on hold – Don’t wait for your hopes and dreams to magically come true. Even though you feel life has cheated you out of something doesn't mean you have an excuse for not living up to your potential.

5. Learn from experiences – You may not know this when going through depressing times, but whatever doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger. Negative events become positive lessons that will help you deal with the future. Your personality grows and you learn to find happiness within yourself.

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THE URTHLINGS - Section 36




July 18, 2009

Well, besides the obvious disappointment I feel towards this individual (whom I had admired as a football player at one point, by the way) this whole situation speaks towards the current state of your society.

Dog fighting is an abhorrent example of what one would consider a sport. I have heard ALL the arguments for and against this event and I have formed my own opinion. And before all those supporters of this abomination start going off on me, THIS IS JUST MY OPINION! But with that said I have no doubt that I am not the only one that thinks this way.

This isn't just a usual occurrence in the circle of life in the animal kingdom. Pitting two animals against each other for mere entertainment is sickening. Survival of the fittest does not apply here. These animals are not fighting to determine who will lead the pack, or to decide who has right to certain territorial boundaries. This is just a pissing contest concocted by humans. Sad really.

Interviews taken with athletes from various professional associations from the past 2 years have all chimed in and have given their takes on the 'Michael Vick' topic. Everything from shock to ‘what’s the big deal?’ have been heard. The one statement that stands out to me is that this 'event' is a ‘cultural’ thing. This ‘culture’ shows that the only ways to acquire money in these low income communities is to not only deal in drugs, firearms and other illegal activities but to also participate in this type of gambling. Fine, I'll accept that.

So what was Michael Vick’s excuse, then?

He made over $100 Million in salary and endorsements. What reason did he have to participate in those matches, not to mention that he himself organized them? You've got to be kidding me if you're going to say that this was a ‘cultural’ thing? Give me a break. Those organized events in question were happening in a community that boasts homes that range in price from $500,000 and/or higher. Money shouldn't be a problem for the people living in this particular neighborhood wouldn't you say? So you can throw that excuse out of the proverbial window.

The argument in his defense was that this was a racial call because no one ever mentions hunting in the news. An activity which can be deemed a ‘white’ sport. The act of tracking a defenseless animal and killing it from a hundred feet with a high-powered firearm is met with little resistance. Um, against my own beliefs to this ‘sport’ as well, it’s LEGAL! And Dog fighting isn't since I last checked.

Michael Vick wasn't targeted because he is an African–American multi-millionaire. Michael Vick broke the law. Dog fighting is ILLEGAL. Get over it people! He also lied about his involvement repeatedly to the courts. That’s perjury, my friend and another reason why he got tagged.

The news of dog fighting made headlines and everybody was suddenly up in arms! Yet there are violent deaths on your planet everyday and it seems that almost no one cares. Is your society so immune to news of people getting killed that you've basically accepted it as commonplace? That’s sad.

Lastly, if you want to use a dog that’s bred to fight, may I recommend a German Shepherd? I think the results will be more to your liking.

You sick bastards.

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THE URTHLINGS - Section 31




July 11, 2009

One day as I was looking through our VERY high-powered telescope at your planet, I noticed quite a number of Earthlings walking in & out of this peculiar place of business. First, appearing very weary & tired like they just woke up late for work with no time to get dressed. Then minutes later, these same life-forms come out jittery and wide-eyed.

What was this place and why were people flocking there by the dozens? I had to check out what this phenomenon was for myself, and luckily, a new location of this franchise just opened up on our planet. (Ok, It's official... this Java themed amusement park knows no boundaries.)

I walked in and noticed this aromatic fusion of sugar covered feet and Arabica beans, mixed in with a twist of day-old bread (I assumed) and topped off with the distinct scent of plastic from a stack of ignored CD Albums. Interesting, but I still didn't see what the big deal was.

Criminy! A total of twenty other 'soon-to-be-tweaking' multi-limbed life forms were in line ahead of yours truly. This was going to take a while. But needless to say, the feeling of anticipation was starting to build.

Since I honestly had no idea what to order, I asked this walking pimply hyperbole called a Barista what tasted good in this mood altering establishment infested with java craving zombies. It quickly tells me, "Everything!"


Obviously not the answer I was looking for but, I throw down my credits nonetheless and ask it, "What can I get for this? I don't really care what, just give me something to slam back, pronto!"

I ended up getting a beverage that was sized 'Tall'(?) Why they can't simply list the sizes as Small, Medium & Large is a little mind-numbing, but whatever. The drink I ordered was a Mocha-Crappaccino with Spotted Tadpoles and Sprinkles. I don't know if tadpoles are down there on your menu, but they are over here. (Note: once you get past the squirming sensation in your mouth, you should be fine. Otherwise you'll simply experience a mild psychotic episode. Nothing big.)

Anyway, I take a sip out of this tiny cup, and before I know it, my tongue is dead. Why would you do this to yourself? This is horrible! My tongue is burning!

But I have to go on...

So I let my drink cool a little, and drink up.

OH MY STARS AND GARTERS! I never knew joy like this! What a marvelous drink! Pure heaven! I understand now. I understand why you wake up early to spend 10-15 minutes in line. I understand why your teeth are brown and your breathe smells like day-old meat. It's because of this wonderful & mesmerizing drink called 'Coffee.'

Wow, I'm awake now! And I feel like another one! Or two. Um...ok, make it six.

Damn you, Starbucks. Damn you to Hell.

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July 4, 2009

Remember when you were a kid? You'd go through life with a sense of immortality, that nothing could stand in your way. If you wanted something, you'd try everything that could think of to achieve success. For example, If you wanted a new bike, you would save every little bit of money you could because you knew that no one else would get it for you. You were aware of the sacrifices that needed to be made in order for you to get that bike. And when that moment came, you felt a sense of pride because you earned it on your own.

When you wanted to be the best in your class, you took it upon yourself to work so hard to prove that you were indeed the best. Your thoughts were that nobody could beat you nor could they dare try to surpass you at anything. You had pride.

But unfortunately, as you got older you seemed to lose that spirit. Life began to beat you down...and you allowed it to do so. Where did that spirit go? What happened to that fight?

Well, you know what? It didn't go anywhere.

If you can allow yourself to embrace that kid in you and forget what society wants you to be, the results can be special. Now, I'm not saying that you should go out and get plastered on Similac and start riding your old BIG WHEEL up and down the boulevard. No, you don't want to go quite that far. Plus, there may be men in white suits with nets waiting to chase your out of control butt!

What I'm trying to say is that if you tap into that childlike confidence you had and STILL have, you can do anything. You will start to see that any project can be completed no matter how difficult it may appear to be. With that said, not all situations may result in success, but you can rest easy that at least you didn't back down. You attempted to go forward and most importantly...YOU TRIED!

Life is TOO short to sweat the little things. We only have a moment on this planet in the whole big scheme of things. Since you're here, don't you want to make your mark? You might as well.

As for that person that cut you off in traffic? I wouldn't worry about him or her...

They just probably needed a nap.

With that all said, I'll end this with a few words from your planet's BEST comedic observer:


1.) Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."

2.) Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3.) Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4.) Enjoy the simple things.

5.) Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6.) The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7.) Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8.) Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9.) Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10.) Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: **Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.**

Life is short, try to enjoy it.

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